Lies

Posted PMpWed, 29 Dec 2010 16:48:24 +000048Wednesday 21, 2008 by ravensday
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There’s a change in the air I can smell it, it’s on the tip of my tongue but I can’t tell it. I wish I could change all this treason, but we all know to well how to fix it ain’t easy in this life.

Hypocrisy it runs high, we love it when we look good telling lies, with each breath we inhale and the exhales never quite what we planned in the end. So we just sit there waiting for the jury to figure out the clues, until then I’ll pay my spiritual dues.

Our minds are full of well worn creases and journeys we would rather not embrace, our hands are insured to conjure up deeds that we rather take back and erase. But we all know time will not let us…and again we live like the last moments of regretting our lives.

Nothing can be changed in this air but I know there must be some kind of hope from despair…This is the saddest song I ever sung, I read it on the pages that I have sown long, the words reflect upon my eyes… and the mirror to my soul is my disguise but I can not sell it, so I keep it inside…we may all die from lies.

The Past

Posted PMpTue, 23 Mar 2010 15:58:33 +000058Tuesday 21, 2008 by ravensday
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Freedom is like a full breath of the purest air. When chains fall from your ankles they glimmered like gold but held you down.

When you fell you didn’t fail, you rose back up so your victory was shared The mountain was wrestled and fought and now the big picture is seen from high above.

Freedom is full of contentment, a joy that can not be quenched and a fire that can not be snuffed. When condemnation is crouching at the door, compassion brings you the Love that was just under the Alter floor.

Freedoms like a wave that covers you from a desert sand, it engulfs your every pore and hears you crying out for more…..

Concentrate

Posted PMpThu, 18 Mar 2010 16:24:35 +000024Thursday 21, 2008 by ravensday
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I feel a tad shaky lately like I have no Idea what I am doing. Where the heck did all my confidence go? I am saying stuff I never say and acting ways I don’t act. This isn’t me. I think I am just nervous showing who I really am …maybe afraid I won’t be accepted as I am? Sheesh! My X wife almost left a year in a half ago…get over it HA. I think I will be fine just got to relax and get back to what I know I am. I just have a hard time believing I am this nice guy who really has great potential! Just have to get that back into perspective,  I know. I guess it takes a while when the one you trusted the most ran from you?? But I will get there with God’s Grace….I want to do it soon though 🙂

I thought I would never have to go through all this extreme life decisions again.

I guess I  should have known better than that HUH…….

Forward

Posted PMpMon, 22 Feb 2010 17:30:24 +000030Monday 21, 2008 by ravensday
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It’s been a tough few years, especially the last. I am starting to feel a sense of urgency for my life. I am not sure if the affair of my X wife or the divorce or mid-life is bringing this on or something else.  The fact is I need to change, wether I do it here or somewhere else.  There are things here I need to overcome. It is very difficult to live in the same place that once was shared by the one you thought would share your life forever with and then one day they are gone with reminders of their presence around you everyday. There is also the sharing of the apartment building, church and sometimes work with the person the X Wife had the affair with…Yes I forgive Him and am full of joy when I see his children happy and glad He and His Spouse worked it all out but that said… it still is a reminder everyday and that is much harder than I could ever have imagined.

I am contemplating what my next move in my life is. I have to be careful because it is my life in one sense but its really the Lords. I have it on loan and must be intent on hearing the input of Jesus in my life. The future scares me but I must step forth in faith and do something to prove to myself and Christ I can be responsible for my decisions in faith. If I am not growing closer and helping others where I am it may be time to move on in faith, I don’t know.

After my Alaska vacation in September I am going to make some serious decisions if I still feel this way, I guess I will see its just to hard continually dealing with the past in my face everyday BUT I am giving it awhile to see if it all calms down. I just need prayer.

November Ninth, Two Thousand Eight

Posted PMpWed, 04 Nov 2009 15:08:33 +000008Wednesday 21, 2008 by ravensday
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A year has passed and I had to change my heart, I had to reflect on that day of what we were ripping apart. I had to reconnect, I had my remorse, I had reconstruction and death ran its course.
I had taken the hammer to my thoughts and complaint’s, you had untied your losses and loosed your restraints.
I was exhausted and tired, you were destructive and wired you left in a hurry and then changed your genre and class.
The grass is greener until it’s all burned up with the fence, then you just have to sit in your ashes till spring does commence.
I sat and waited there for what seemed like years, while I swept up my past my brokenness and fears. How long will it last all this breaking of clay all the wine skins pile up so full of decay. I thought this toil would never cease, those demons love to play in the darkness and lies, watching God’s images shiver and cry.
A year now has gone and I do reflect. I reflect on love and how it is lost, on fires and winters and nakedness on a cross. I look over my shoulder wave goodbye for my sanity’s aim. I look forward and smile at Godly gain. The trees are all sprouting and the grapes are all recent and fresh. None of this would have been fulfilled without denying my flesh and working on trials in the grave of my death. There seems an abundance of silence and growth when Christ is all that is left in an atom of hope.
The seasons have changed… rain had fallen and now the sun has risen and the green can be seen for miles my friend. This…this is not the end…….. -MP

Tomorrow

Posted PMpMon, 14 Sep 2009 16:00:27 +000000Monday 21, 2008 by ravensday
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It went with no fanfare, it slipped by me with nothing but a whisper tickling the back of my neck. The bridge is gone and the memories fade. I lost my way for awhile but I am back on some trail looking ahead. The future crouches there waiting for me and I can’t tell if it’s panting in anticipation or licking its lips to devour me again. I stand motionless, frozen but  trembling in my soul. Knowing I can’t go back and realizing I have to step forward. The path looks friendly enough but looks can be deceiving, I know there are holes and thorns and work to be done, new bridges to build and to cross. I have very little control over this path. I only have control over me and my decisions during the duration and the aftermaths or the fore mentions. Time doesn’t wait for me, it waits for no man.

It went with no fanfare actually it was very silent. I’m not sure how I feel about that…
I wipe my brow, I grit my teeth I mumble something under my exhale and I step forward. -Marty

I am a lamp before you.

Posted PMpMon, 10 Aug 2009 19:18:49 +000018Monday 21, 2008 by ravensday
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I am a lamp unto your feet… I am a light on your path.
You can see before you… Just enough you don’t hurt yourself.
The future is hidden, The light just goes so far in front of you… It’s just a lamp.

I need the lamp… But it just tells me enough… I have to trust it to continue because without it I am consumed in the the blackness of the night and vulnerable to all sorts of things.

I can look back and see all the amazing things the lamp has brought me through… It has never failed me with roots or boulders or the protection of wild things or robbers or other evildoers.

Yet I still must trust.. I must have faith in the unseen… beyond the pale rim of light ahead there is still a path. A path that leads me on to hopefully better days until all is revealed and I can see the big picture in detail.

Until that day my journey is here… and the lamp goes before me as I learn to trust… One step at a time.

I won’t lie to you… I am a little terrified and a bit tired.
I know it has not failed me in the past though… and for that I am comforted.
-MP